May 1st 2009, 00:00

   We had a wonderful time celebrating “Shayna Rosenberg Day.” Shayna was the founder of E.C.L.C and without her there would have not been a pre-school here. Her birthday was April 18th, so we decided that since it was on a Saturday, we would have a Shayna Shabbat a day earlier. With the generous donations of the Rosenberg family (thanks Marvin and Gary) we bought an arbor to separate our play yard into a nature learning sanctuary (i.e. Shayna's Sanctuary.) We made plastic egg kiddush cups, bird nest candle holders out of clay, and a beautiful painted bird challah cover. “Mr. Marvin,” as the children call him, spent the time reading and sharing his knowledge (which is vast) to the children as they sat in a wading pool filled with pine tree branches and made as a bird nest. It looked as though everyone enjoyed themselves.

   Now getting back to last month’s article … I am ready to answer the question about how you teach your child to stop whining for everything and actually enjoy going out with them. First of all, it is okay to not make them the center of the universe. In fact it will bring down their stress level when they know they are not in charge. I find that most of today’s parents don't want their children to not like them. So I see parents going to great lengths to please their children, only to find they have become whinier and less enjoyable to be around. But take hope - there is a remedy. It is the easiest to do but it seems the hardest to stick to. It is simply the word “no.” In fact, you don't even need to explain the reason why you said no. Wow, this will be the hardest thing for most parents of today to do.

   What I see most parents do when they say no is trying to justify themselves to their child. Yet the child keeps pushing and the parent becomes either exasperated (which soon turns into defeat and then giving in) or they become angry at the child and finally explode with frustration. Either way, the child has what he wanted and even may think he is more powerful than the parents, which only reinforces that same behavior again. It works, and in children’s minds (which are unable to see that this is not good for them) they will continue this behavior until the parent can keep their “no” a ”no.”

   Some parents resort to bribery before they even tell the child to do what they want them to do. Then sometimes that won't even work! The answer to all of this is to say “no” at the outset. I know the parent will want to give an explanation and then free themselves from engaging with the tyrant child. The child will escalate but hold your ground and remind yourself that you are the parent. In the long run you and your child will be happier and closer. When the child realizes that the parent will not give in, they will fight it at first, but later on they will rest in knowing that there are limits to this world which will make them feel safer and more peaceful. And then everyone can enjoy the trips to the store or the restaurant. Yes it is that simple, yet so hard.

   All I can say after thirty years of consistent teaching and parenting is that I still have close relationships with my adult sons as well as the many children who I have taught over the years. I know you all can do it too. In all the schools I have taught at, I have never seen such intense love for their children than here.